


Here We Go Again

by anothermistakemade



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/M, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Minor Character Death, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Weddings, i was going to put the mage in this and then i didnt youre welcome, the scenes correspond to the songs, yes this is based on mamma mia leave me alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 00:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20536904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothermistakemade/pseuds/anothermistakemade
Summary: Baz had left Watford Island and the love of his life five years ago, and he swore he would never come back. Unless, of course, the love of his life's new fiancee begs him to come to their wedding, then he might.// simon's getting married to agatha & literally everyone knows it's a bad idea, especially baz





	Here We Go Again

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry but i'm also not
> 
> i wrote this in like 24 hours, didn't beta, didn't proofread, didn't check for continuity errors, and here we are. what on earth possessed me to write a carry on fic based on mamma mia, i dont know. you dont need to have watched mamma mia but if you havent please god im begging you do it

Agatha took a deep breath, hugging the envelope to her chest. This was it, this was the last thing she needed to do to ensure that she was making the right decision. She took one last glance at the envelope. In the moonlight, she could clearly see the name of its recipient: _Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch_. Softly, she prayed to whatever god was out there that he would come. She shut her eyes tight, biting her lip just a little, and slid the invitation into the yellow mailbox.

_honey, honey_

It had been five years since Penny had set foot on Watford Island. But now, watching it creep closer on the horizon as the little boat floated toward the shore, she wished she'd never left. America had been nice, it had plenty of places to go, many new things to learn, lots of new people to meet. But there were things she'd secretly missed about Watford: the fresh air, the clear water, Simon. They'd exchanged letters over the years, telling one another every aspect of their lives. Penny used to sit by the mailbox, waiting for Simon's letters. His letters started off has very detailed, often numerous pages long, but they got shorter and shorter. The letter informing her of Ebb's death was only half a page. The letter telling her that he didn't want her to come to the funeral was even shorter than that. Afterwards, Simon glazed over what was going on in his life, like how he'd opened up a hotel or how he was engaged, and instead favored responding to whatever was happening in Penny's. She tried to understand, tried to give him space and let him tell her only what he wanted, but she could tell she was being left in the dark.

That was why Penny was so excited to go back. Because she knew that Simon wasn't telling her something, and that he wouldn't be able to hold it in once he saw her. Of course, she was also excited for the wedding, to see Simon marry the woman he loved. She was excited to know that Simon was going to have someone, permanently, to look after him.

He running down the dock as the boat was being tied up, his wedding band glinting in the sunlight. As soon as she was off the boat, she started running towards him.

"Penny!" Simon shrieked, pulling Penny into a bear hug. "I missed you so, so, so much!"

"I missed you, too!" Penny replied before stepping back to get a good look at Simon's face. He'd grown in the past five years, looking more mature and a lot more tired. "You're not the gangly seventeen year old I left on this dock."

Simon smiled at her. "And _you're_ not the nerdy little kid I watched sail away." 

There was a moment of silence-- Penny knew that Simon didn't hold anything against her for leaving, but thinking about it stung, nonetheless.

"C'mon," Simon shook them out of the moment, grabbing Penny's waist. "I have something to show you."

Once off the dock, Simon pulled out a pink notebook decorated with stickers. "I found it while going through some of Ebb's stuff," He explained. "It's my mom's."

Penny's jaw dropped. Simon had never mentioned his mom before, neither had anybody on the island. It was commonly understood that she had died right after Simon was born and that he was left in Ebb's care. He didn't know anything about her, where she was married or what her name was, and it didn't seem like anyone else was willing to offer up that information. They rarely talked about it, but when they did, Simon explained that he didn't really mind not knowing much about his mother. He had Ebb, and that was all he needed. Penny assumed that without her, he was curious.

"So what does it say?" Penny watched as Simon flicked through the pages, eager to finally hear answers about his parentage.

Simon stopped on a page. "This one." The page was filled with words written in purple ink. "July 17th," He read. "What a night! This gorgeous boy named Davy showed up, he's staying on the island while he works on a project for the mainland... he takes my breath away, makes me feel like I'm the most special woman in the world..."

"Oh my god!" Penny leaned in to get a closer look at the page. "Davy's your father!"

Simon was beaming at her. "I know! She and him-- her name is Lucy-- get this little cottage together on the south side of the island," He starts flipping through the pages again. "She writes about how she gets pregnant with me, how she wants to name me Simon..." He stops at the end of the journal, where several pages have been ripped out. "But then it ends before she has me."

"Wait," Penny frowned. "What happened to Davy?"

Simon shrugged. "I have no idea. They're still together when it ends." He shut the journal, then looked Penny in the eyes. "Penny, he's out there, I know it. I _have _to find him."

"But, Simon, if he is, that means he abandoned you here after your mom died."

"I know, I know, but..." Simon stood up and began pacing. "There's got to be a reason. Something happened before my mom died and he had to leave me. I just _know_ he's out there, waiting for me to find him."

"Simon..." Penny didn't want to ruin his excitement. Simon had known nothing about his parents for his entire life, and now he had most of it laid out in front of him. She just hoped that the wedding would distract him enough. "C'mon, I want to see this hotel you've been talking about."

_money, money, money_

Penny wasn't aware that she would have to climb what felt like thousands of steps just to get to Villa Ebeneza, but seeing the look of pride of Simon's face was worth it. 

"Here she is," Simon beamed, setting down Penny's bags. The steps had led to a courtyard surrounded by individual buildings. Across it ran dozens of clotheslines with different items draped over them. "Shit," Simon muttered. "I meant to get the laundry down before you came."

"It's alright," Penny took a moment to admire the intricate tile of the courtyard and the plants surrounding it. "Si, it's beautiful."

"Thanks, Penny." Simon smiled, then took Penny's hand. "Do you want to see your room?"

"Of course!" Penny picked her bags back up and followed Simon.

He led her into one of the buildings, up a few flights of stairs, and through a blue doorway. The room was small, having nothing more than a bed, a few chairs, and a bathroom. The view, on the other had, was gorgeous. One side had a balcony overlooking the ocean, thousands of feet beneath them. The other side looked down onto the courtyard and the other buildings. 

"This is lovely," Penny began to set one of her bags on a chair.

"Not that one!" Simon interjected. "It, uh, it's not in the best shape. Oh, and the toilet, if it doesn't flush right away, just give it a few minutes, and then it'll, uh... clear out." Penny nodded as Simon went to open the shutters of one of the windows. He cursed loudly as the shutter fell, crashing onto the courtyard below. "Sorry!" He called.

"Guess you need to call the maintenance guy," Penny remarked, setting her bags onto the floor.

Simon scoffed. "I _am_ the maintenance guy. And the plumber, and the maid, and pretty much everything else." He motioned for Penny to follow him, then descended the steps. "It's a one-man show around here."

Simon had chronicled his buying of the hotel in his letters. When Ebb died, he was left with a fortune, and he wanted to do something worthwhile with it. He bought a giant plot of land and spent every last penny of his inheritance building it into Villa Ebeneza. His letters were full of plots and designs and details of every single room in the place. Penny was looking forward to a full tour.

For now, Simon seemed more concerned with the shutter. He pulled on a tool belt and picked up the shutter from where it had landed. "Sometimes I think I should back out of this whole wedding thing so I can go marry a rich tourist."

Penny laughed, following Simon back up the stairs. "You'll have to get them here first."

Simon sighed dramatically, then set to work reattaching the shutter.

"You know, Simon," Penny sat down on the bed, watching Simon work. "I'm not kidding when I say you can have as much as you need from me."

Simon laughed. "I appreciate that Penny, I really do, but I've got it all covered here," He pushed the shutter back and forth to make sure it was attached properly, then slipped his screwdriver back into his tool belt. "Besides, Agatha's parents are very generous investors."

Suddenly, the ground began to shake. Penny yelped, though she was once used to Watford's constant earthquakes. A crack formed in the tile, running right through an image of a dolphin in the center of the courtyard.

"Well, fuck," Simon mumbled. "Tool belt won't fix that."

"Nobody'll notice," Penny knew everyone would, but she wanted to make Simon feel better.

"Why don't you head over to the bar? I've got to go find some cement."

-

The ferry was just one of the many things Baz despised about Watford. He was smushed between smelly fishermen with their raw catch and obnoxious tourists with their overly large maps. He felt out of place with his sunglasses and mostly black attire, but he hadn't every really been in place at Watford. He'd left when he was seventeen and gladly never looked back. It took him much consideration before he'd agreed to come back for the wedding, as his whole 'never looked back' plan was working out quite well for him.

He didn't expect to see Wellbelove waiting for him on the dock. The whole ride, he'd been preparing himself for a very awkward exchange with Snow, who he had assumed sent the invitation. Instead, it was Wellbelove, diamond ring on her finger, looking expectant.

"Baz," Wellbelove smiled. "Nice to see you again."

Baz wasn't in the mood for small talk. "Snow doesn't know I'm here, does he?"

Wellbelove diverted her gaze to the ground, then back up at Baz. "No, he doesn't."

"Then _why_ am I here?" For a moment, Baz considered getting back on the ferry and going back to London.

"Listen, Baz," Wellbelove sighed. "It's complicated. I just need _answers_\--"

"Answers?" Baz scoffed. "On what? You're marrying Snow, the two of you are going to be very happy together, the end. Why do you need me for answers?"

"You know why, Baz."

He did know why, but he wasn't about to tell her that. "I haven't seen him in five years. There's your answer." Baz began to walk back toward the boat, feeling silly for having ever come in the first place.

"Wait!" Wellbelove chased after him. "Baz, please, hear me out." She grabbed his wrist. "Stay. Come to the wedding. If not for Simon--"

"I would never do it for him," Baz spat.

"_Fine_. Do it for me. Please."

Baz hadn't come to hear Wellbelove beg, but it was rather pleasing to the ear. "Okay, fine. But I'm leaving as soon as it's over."

"Alright." Baz began to walk away. "Oh, and Baz?" He stopped. "Try not to run into Simon. I haven't told him yet."

_mamma mia!_

Simon could've sworn he kept the cement in the goat house, but maybe he didn't. He'd dug around in every pile of crap he could find in the place and turned up empty. Feeling dejected, he left, hoping that it would turn up somewhere.

When he first caught glimpse of Baz, he thought he was hallucinating. But then again, nobody else on the island wore that much black. His heart pounding, he tiptoed around the corner that Baz had just turned. Sure enough, it was him, bags in hand and checking into the hotel. Simon could feel tears in his eyes already.

Six years ago, Baz was the love of his life. They didn't get along at first, but eventually, they crashed into one another. At just sixteen, they were madly in love. Simon was sure that they were going to get married, buy a cottage on the island and raise a dozen kids. They could have a couple goats and some livestock, make their living off that somehow. He told Baz constantly of his plan, of how they could grow old together right there on the island.

Then Baz was gone. He left no details of where he was going, just a slip of paper with a phone number. Simon was fucking devastated. Ebb couldn't get him out of bed for weeks. He was heartbroken, sure that his life was over. He wrote countless letters to Baz that he couldn't send because he didn't know where the boy had gone. After a while, the pain numbed, and so did everything else. Seeing Baz again the day before his wedding brought it all back.

Simon watched Baz checking in, wondering if he should confront him or not. He was leaning toward no when Baz turned around and looked right at him.

"Snow." His sunglasses hid his expression, but Simon imagined it was that of a deer in headlights.

"Basilton." Simon came all the way around the corner and approached Baz. "What the _fuck_ are you doing here?"

"Visiting family." Although it was rather coincidental, Simon prayed that it was true.

"Well," Simon tried to remember what he had wanted to say. Baz looked so good, having grown out his hair and grown into his face. It was distracting. "You're not welcome here. I own this hotel. You have to go."

"I literally just checked in."

Simon huffed. "Doesn't matter. You have to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere, Snow."

_chiquitita_   


Simon opened his mouth to speak again, but he knew if he did, he would start sobbing. Instead, he turned around and left in search of Penny. Thankfully, she was at the bar, where he'd told her to go.

"Penny--" Simon felt himself start to cry.

"Oh my god, Simon," Penny set her drink down. "What happened?"

"I--" Simon looked at all of the people staring at him, then ran off to the bathroom. Once inside, he locked himself in a stall.

"Simon," Penny knocked softly on the door. "Si, come out and tell me what's wrong."

Simon took a deep breath, then stepped out of the stall. "Baz is here."

"Baz is _what_?" Penny looked ready to kill. Baz had left a week for Penny did, causing her to spend her last few days with Simon trying to keep him from self-destructing. She was perhaps even angrier at him than Simon was.

"He's _here_," Simon broke down into sobs again. Penny took him over to the sink and had him sit on it while she wiped away his tears with tissues from her purse. "I-I don't know what he's doing here. He said he's visiting family, but the _wedding_..."

"Simon," Penny said sternly. "Don't let him ruin this for you."

Simon nodded softly. "Can we go for a walk?"

Simon and Penny had always had their special spot on the island. It was a little dock hidden amongst a rock formation. No boats docked there, since it was too hard to get to. As they walked there, Penny did her best to cheer Simon up.

"You're marrying Agatha tomorrow," She said as she swung her and Simon's hands between them. "You're going to be _so _happy, I know you will. Nothing should come between that," She let go of Simon's hand to climb up and over a rock. Once he was down next to her, she continued. "Tomorrow is going to be the best day of your life."

Simon sniffled. "Thanks, Penny." They walked out to the very end of the dock, where they had spent almost every afternoon when they were children. "I really appreciate everything."

"Of course," Penny smiled. Just as she moved to hug him, Simon smirked and pushed her into the water. "You suck!" She yelled once she had gotten to the surface. "C'mon, help me out," She held up her hand for Simon to pull her out of the water, but as he took it, she yanked him down with her.

_our last summer_

Agatha had a lot to think about. Tomorrow was the first day of the rest of her life, or whatever they called it, and she was filled with doubt. She was walking along the beach, trying to get rid of the weight in her stomach, when she saw someone with long black hair rowing away from the island.

"Baz!" She called. Surely enough, the figure turned around. "Shit," She mumbled, before stripping down to her bathing suit and running into the water. "Baz!" She called again as she swam up to the boat.

"Wellbelove," Baz greeted, helping her into the boat.

"What are you doing?" Agatha was panting from the swim. "You promised you'd stay."

"I ran into your fiance," Baz replied. "He kicked me out of his hotel, so I figured I'd better get going."

Agatha swore under her breath. "Listen, Baz, you can't go."

"Why not?" Baz questioned. "Humor me, Wellbelove. Tell me why I have to go."

Agatha sucked in a deep breath. "Do you remember that last summer?"

She knew he did. It was the summer he'd spent at Simon's side. It was the summer that they'd taken a weekend trip to France, the one where they moved in together, where they'd spent days at a time laying in bed with one another. It was the one where Agatha saw him boarding a boat and had begged him to stay.

"Of course I fucking do," Baz spat.

"Then you _know _why," Agatha was getting desperate. She refused to spell it out for Baz, but she also refused to let him leave. "_Please_, Baz. I need you here to make sure I'm doing the right thing."

"Isn't that a sign that you aren't?"

Agatha didn't have a reply. He was right, of course, but she hadn't thought of it that way. She just thought that if Baz was there and they both still wanted to marry each other, then it was right.

"Agatha!" Someone called from the beach.

"Fuck," Agatha mumbled, glancing at the beach. It was Simon. She hoped they were far away enough for him not to recognize that it was Baz in the boat with her. She turned back to Baz. "Stay. If there's anything left in you that has any sort of feeling for me... or for Simon. Stay." She didn't wait for Baz's reply and swam back to the shore.

_lay all your love on me_

Simon hadn't seen Agatha all day. Between trying to run a falling apart hotel, Penny arriving, the great ordeal of seeing Baz, she'd slipped his mind. Once he had gotten changed out of his wet clothes and the sun began to set, he'd realized that it was almost time for her bachelorette/his bachelor party, and that they wouldn't see each other again until they were about to walk down the aisle. He'd run around the hotel looking for her, until someone tipped him off that she had gone down to the beach. 

"Agatha!" He called out, spotting her on a boat with a figure he couldn't make out. She said something to whoever it was, then jumped into the water and swam to him. "Where've you been?" He asked once she was out of the water.

"Out and about," She answered, out of breath from the swim. "Greeting people, getting ready for the party, that sort of stuff."

"Oh," It was a much less specific answer that Simon had been expecting. "So who was that?"

Agatha looked scared for just a moment. "Um, my cousin. He's here for the wedding. Haven't seen him in a while."

"Oh," Simon hadn't heard of any cousin before. He didn't think Agatha's parents had siblings.

"So," Agatha took Simon's hand, seemingly eager to change the subject. "Are you excited for your last night of freedom?"

Simon kissed her quickly on the lips. "The last night before the greatest adventure of my life."

Agatha chuckled, then kissed Simon again, longer this time. Deep down inside, it felt like she was trying to convince herself of something. "Lay all your love on me, babe," She mumbled as Simon took her waist. Without breaking the kiss, she opened her eyes and looked back out to the ocean. Baz was watching them. 

"I love you," Simon whispered against her lips. Agatha wondered if maybe he was also trying to convince himself of the same thing.

"I love you, too," Agatha replied, before pulling back. "But for now, we've got parties to attend."

Simon hummed. "I'll be thinking of you."

-

Simon didn't want to have a bachelor party, but Agatha insisted. She'd had the courtyard decked out with streamers, balloons, and booze, all of which would have to be cleaned up in time for the reception the following day.

"Simon!" Penny ran across the courtyard, dodging guests as they started to file in. She was carrying what looked like a speaker.

"Penny?" Simon was sure that Penny had promised Agatha that she'd be at her party down on the beach.

"Agatha said she doesn't mind if I hang out here for a bit," Penny answered Simon's question before he asked it. "And I couldn't let you have a party without a karaoke machine."

Simon laughed. "You think of everything, Penny."

_gimme! gimme! gimme!_

Soon after, Simon and Penny were two karaoke songs and several shots in. The party was in full swing, with people dancing on tables and screaming lyrics to whatever song was playing.

"I'm so jealous of you and Micah, you're so cute and in love," Simon slurred over the music. He and Penny were at the bar, sipping drinks.

"But you're in love with Agatha," Penny, who could handle liquor significantly better than Simon, spoke perfectly.

"Yeah, but--" Before he could finish, Simon was grabbed by one of his groomsmen and dragged onto the dance floor, leaving Penny by herself. She considered going after him, but he was soon lost amongst the crowd.

There were a few things Penny had left out of her letters to Simon, one of which being that she and Micah were no longer together. They dated for a few years, and they were no doubt in love with one another, but things began to fall apart. Just weeks after Simon announced he was getting married, Micah took a job in California, a couple thousand miles from their apartment in New York. He'd done it without consulting Penny, and when he did tell her, he assumed she was coming. Penny, however, had a life and a career in New York that she wasn't willing to give up quite yet, and she didn't think she was ready for such a long distance relationship. So Micah packed up what was his and got on a plane without saying goodbye.

"Penny!"

_Speak of the devil_, Penny thought. She hoped that somehow her drunken mind had imagined Micah's voice and that he hadn't actually flown all the way to Watford.

"Penny," He sat down next to her.

"What are you doing here, Micah?" Technically both of them had been invited to the wedding, but Penny had assumed that Micah had changed his RSVP once they'd broken up. Now, she wished she would've checked on that.

"I'm here for the wedding," Micah responded, causing Penny to roll her eyes.

"Why are you _really_ here?"

"For you," He confessed. "Penny, I can't be without you. I don't _want _to be without you."

"You should've thought of that a long time ago," Penny stood up to walk away, but Micah grabbed her arm.

"Penny..."

Penny was a strong woman, but she was also only human. Although she recognized that it was a bad decision, she kissed Micah, hoping that it would erase the past few weeks of fighting. She let herself fall headfirst into it, kissing him like it was the first time, getting lost in him until she heard someone call her name.

_Simon._

Without an explanation, Penny ripped herself away from Micah and plunged into the crowd of people.

_voulez-vous_

The floor was spinning, and the lights made Simon feel like he was going to vomit. Everyone was sweating, dancing, singing so loud he couldn't hear his own thoughts. He was passed from person to person, each partygoer wanting a moment to dance with the groom. Meanwhile, he could barely register what was going on.

"Penny!" He called out, desperate for someone to drag him out of the mess.

"Simon?" He heard Penny call his name, but she sounded far away. He tried to move toward her but was only pushed farther into the mass of people.

"Simon!" This was Agatha-- her bridal party had invaded, and the crowd of people only grew bigger as her friends came running in. Simon couldn't see her anywhere, and spinning around looking for her was only making him dizzy.

"Simon." This voice was unmistakable: it was Baz, right in front of him. He said something about Simon looking sick, then grabbed him by the hand and led him out of the party and into an alley between two buildings.

Simon was hyperventilating. His shirt felt too hot, he couldn't breathe, he thought he was going to die. He needed Penny, he needed Agatha, he needed someone who wasn't Baz. He needed to forget about Baz, about the year they spent together, about the kisses they shared, if he ever really wanted to be sure in his love for his future wife.

"Simon, calm down," Baz had sat him down and was kneeling in front of him. "Simon, look at me," He tilted Simon's chin up so that they were looking eye to eye. "You're okay."

-

Baz figured that preying on a drunk person who'd just backed down from the ledge of a panic attack the night before their wedding was immoral, but he was also drunk, and it was Simon who kissed him first. He'd taken what Agatha had said to heart, and rowed back to shore to find Simon and clear things up. In hindsight, he should've known that Simon would be hosting a bachelor party, but he didn't think of it until he was three drinks in and in the middle of it. He practically ran into Simon, who was looking like he was on the verge of throwing up, and dragged him out of the crowd. He was in the middle of calming Simon down when the boy grabbed him by the collar and kissed him.

"Simon!" It was Agatha, no doubt looking for her fiance. 

"We can't do this here," Simon whispered as Baz moved down to kiss his neck. He didn't care if Agatha saw them or not-- she wanted an answer, and here it was. "Baz," Simon groaned, gently pushing Baz away. He took one look into Baz's eyes and went right back to kissing him.

Simon kissed like Baz remembered, all tongue, teeth and fire. He bit Baz's lip, ran his tongue along his teeth, did every little thing that drove Baz crazy when they were teenagers. Baz grabbed his waist, pulling Simon into his lap and moving down to kiss the moles on his neck.

The past five years, Baz had been desperate for Simon. Though he'd hate to admit it, he dreamt about the boy at night. More than once, he bought plane tickets to the island, only to watch the plane takeoff from the airport window. Sometimes he cried looking at old pictures of them together. Simon had this great plan for the rest of their lives, one that involved staying on the island forever. Baz knew he could never do that, but there was no changing Simon's mind. It was so much easier to rip off the Band-Aid, to depart for London and leave only a phone number behind, than to try to explain how he couldn't stay. But now, with Simon back in his arms, Baz wondered if it was the right thing to do.

When Simon's hand began to move towards Baz's belt buckle, he had to use every ounce of self restraint he had to pull back. "You're engaged," Baz said sternly.

Simon looked like a wounded puppy. "I-- I don't--" Baz could see the moment Simon realized what he'd done. His mouth was hanging open, and his eyes filled up with tears. "Oh my god, what did I do?" He whispered to himself, standing and buttoning his shirt back up. "Holy fuck, what did I do?" He turned to Baz, looking appalled. "Get the fuck away from me. Don't come tomorrow. I never want to see you again."

"Okay," Baz replied, knowing full well that he wasn't going anywhere.

_SOS_

"Baz." Being kicked awake by Bunce wasn't how Baz expected to start his morning, but he hadn't expected to end his night by falling asleep in the courtyard. "Get up, Baz."

His head was already beginning to pound, and he knew that opening his eyes was only going to make it worse."Fuck off, Bunce," Baz mumbled.

His reluctance was met with a swift kick to the balls.

"Jesus Christ!" Baz groaned, crumpling in on himself. He opened his eyes and glared at Bunce. "What the _fuck_ was that for?"

"For making Simon cry on his wedding day," Bunce replied matter-of-factly. "_You_ have some explaining to do."

"I don't have to explain anything to you," Baz turned onto his other side, where his genitals could be safe from Bunce's foot.

This, of course, was ineffective, as Bunce reached down and yanked Baz upright by the ear.

"Fucking hell," Baz stood up, swatting Bunce's hand away.

"Tell me what happened last night right now or I swear to god I will kill you in broad daylight."

"Fine, Jesus," Baz began to walk inside, assuming Bunce would follow. She did. "But," He turned to face her. "You have to tell me about that American whose tongue was in your mouth last night."

Bunce turned bright red. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? The one who had his hand on your--"

"Fine!" She interjected. "You first."

Baz sighed, slumping into the nearest chair. "He was supposed to call. I gave him that number because he was supposed to call."

"And what?" Bunce sat across from him. "Chase you all the way to wherever you were?"

"London," Baz answered. "He was supposed to call, find out I was at university in London, and then we would figure it out. Maybe he would come, I don't know, or maybe I would've come back. He was supposed to call."

"But he didn't, and you didn't come back for him."

Baz knew he should've. He regretted not doing so every moment of his life.

"I didn't think he would want me."

"He was pissed at you, yeah, but if you would've come back, he'd have forgotten the whole thing."

Baz hadn't considered that. 

"It doesn't matter," Baz felt himself starting to tear up and tried to hold it back as best he could. "He chose Agatha. He's in love with Agatha," He could feel the dam breaking, the first few tears rolling down his cheeks. "He doesn't love me--"

"Baz," Penny caught him in her arms right as he broke down into sobs. 

"I can't go on like this anymore," Baz knew that sobbing into Bunce's arms was ruining any sort of reputation that he had, but it was too comforting to give up. "I _need_ him, Penny. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Let me talk to him," Bunce said softly, rubbing Baz's back. "I just need to talk to him."

_does your mother know?_

Penelope Bunce was a woman on a mission. Once Baz was settled in her room where he could cry in private, she was off to find Simon. He had a million and one places to be with his wedding in just a few hours, and it was seeming like he wasn't at any of them. Not the church, not the courtyard, not at the beach. Not even Agatha knew where he was. She was practically running down a hall of the hotel when Micah started coming at her from the opposite direction.

"Nope," Penny turned on her heel and started walking the other way.

"Penny, wait!" Micah jogged to catch up with her. "C'mon, let's pick up where we left off last night."

"Last night never happened," Penny replied sternly, doing her best not to look at Micah.

"_Please_, Penny."

"Does your mother know that you're out?"

"Penny," Micah grabbed her hand, forcing her to stop walking. "I'm in love with you. Like, crazy, madly, stupidly in love with you. And if you don't say yes now, I'll follow you back to New York. I'll wait outside your door until you take me back."

Penny was going to joke about how stalker-ish that proposition was, but she also found it endearing. "Micah..."

"I know I messed up," Micah took Penny's other hand, holding both of them between them. "But I don't care about that job, not as much as I care about you. Please, Penny, I'll do anything."

Penny leaned forward and kissed Micah softly. "I appreciate all of this, but I really _really_ need to find Simon."

"Penny!" Penny turned to see Agatha, looking frantic. "C'mon, you need to get dressed!"

_slipping through my fingers_

Simon had a million and one places to be, and none of them were Ebb's old cottage. However, he'd spent the better part of the morning crying into Penny's arms, and he wanted nothing more than to be as close to Ebb as possible. He hiked to the south side of the island to the cottage that was still technically his, but that he hadn't stayed in for years. He walked through the garden, sat at the kitchen table, laid on the couch. Everything still smelt like her, like she'd just left for work for the day and would be back any minute.

Simon ended his tour in her bed. He kicked off his shoes and spent a few minutes with his head on the pillow, remembering all the times she'd let him sleep in it when he was sick. As he bent down to put his shoes back on, content to move on to the next chapter of his life, he noticed something under the bed.

It was a diary with the name _Ebeneza Petty_ engraved on the cover. Simon opened it to the first page.

_Dear diary,_

_Simon graduated high school today. I cried harder than I have in a long while. He's so grown up, ready to jump into the real world headfirst. Some days I'm afraid he'll leave me here all alone. Others, I'm afraid he'll stay._

_He's growing so fast, it feels like he's slipping through my fingers. Just yesterday he was a little boy in overalls, waving at me from the school bus. Now, he's a man who rushes out the door because he's running late. I miss when we used to eat breakfast together, both of us barely awake. I miss how we used to slurp our milk from our cereal when we were done._

_I feel as if I've let so much precious time go by. Every hug, every goodnight, every I love you. They're all so scarce now. I know it's because he's so grown up, but sometimes I wish he'd hang on me like he did when he was a toddler. Sometimes I wish he'd just stop and let me fuss over him like I so desperately want to._

Simon wasn't sure he was going to be able to make it through the whole page. Already, he was crying so hard he could barely see anything. He wished he could go back in time and tell his younger self to let Ebb do all of those things. He wished he could've let her do those things before he lost her.

He took a deep breath and resolved to finish the entry.

_I remember the day Davy dropped him off. Lord, how I screamed at that man. I still remember how angry I was, how I started picking things up and throwing them at him because I needed an outlet. I remember thinking I was going to kill that man if I ever saw him again._

_Selfishly, I am now glad he did it. I do not know where Davy is now, but if I did, I would go tell him how much he's missed out on. I would tell him how Simon looks exactly like Lucy and not a smidgeon like him. I would tell him proudly that, under my care, Simon has become the brightest, kindest, loveliest young man I'll ever have the fortune of knowing. I would tell him that he's a fool for not wanting to have spent his life with this beautiful boy._

_It's approaching dinnertime, but Simon's out right now. He's with this boy, Basilton. I think that he believes that I don't know what they're up to, but I absolutely do. I can tell how in love they are by the was Simon talks about him. I didn't know it was possible to be this happy for someone other than yourself._

Simon snapped the book shut, his tears having begun to stain the page. There was his answer, staring him in the face. His father had been a loser that didn't want him and Simon had no desire to go find him. Ebb had been the best parent he could've asked for. He didn't need someone to try and replace her.

Hugging the journal tightly to his chest, Simon began to walk back to the villa.

_the winner takes it all_

Baz had missed Watford's beautiful cliffs. The most stunning one had a little church at the top, where Agatha and Simon were to be married. Agatha and her wedding party had already begun their ascent to the top, but Baz promised Penny he'd wait behind for Simon.

Baz planned the whole speech out while sobbing in Bunce's bed. He repeated it over and over in his head until he say Simon making his was up the path.

"You're almost late for your own wedding," Baz stood up off the step and walked toward Simon.

"Baz, I don't want to talk--"

"No," Baz held up his hand. "I need to say this."

Simon sighed. "Okay."

"I get it, alright? Wellbelove wins, the winner takes it all. You love her. I know that I made a mistake, Simon, and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to stop being sorry for it. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't sit up at night, wondering why you never called. You were supposed to call, Simon. You didn't, and I took that as you never wanting to see me again. Bunce is telling me otherwise. So," Baz stepped close enough that he could feel Simon's breath on his face, "if you tell me, right now, that you love Wellbelove more than you've ever loved me, I'll leave you alone, permanently."

Simon looked terrified. "I..." He glanced at the church, then back to Baz. "I can't do this. I can't do this to Agatha." He stepped around Baz and sprinted up the steps to the church.

Baz had promised himself he wasn't going to cry. Resigned, he began to follow after Simon.

-

Simon ran all the way up the stairs.

"Simon!" Penny was waiting outside the church with Agatha, who looked on the verge of a panic attack. "Where have you been? We need to talk--"  


"There's no time," Simon knew what Penny would want to talk about-- there was only one thing that could've been so urgent. But Simon didn't want to hear Baz's name again. The universe wanted to stop his wedding, and he wasn't going to let it. The priest turned and looked at him expectantly. "Let's go."

Simon thought he was going to pass out as he went down the aisle. He thought he was going to throw up as he watched Agatha come in. She looked absolutely gorgeous. She looked the prettiest she ever had. Even so, Simon couldn't shake Baz's words from his mind.

_Tell me, right now, that you love Wellbelove more than you've ever loved me._   


He didn't. He knew he didn't when Baz said that. But it was too late.

Agatha had been so excited about having a wedding. She was in love with every step of the planning process: the dress shopping, the cake tasting, the venue visiting. She had put her entire heart and soul into their wedding, and he couldn't rip it all away from her. It wouldn't have been fair.

They joined hands. Hers were so much warmer than Baz's, almost too hot. He had expected them to be grounding, like Baz's had been, but they only made him feel more unsteady. The fact that Agatha's hands were shaking didn't help.

"Dearly beloved..."  


"Wait!"

-

Baz took his time up the stairs. His mind was clear. He was content.

Simon didn't love Wellbelove as much as he loved Baz. His lack of answer made that crystal clear. Wellbelove wasn't an idiot, she had to know that. That was why she invited Baz in the first place. She knew she was second in Simon's heart, but she had too much pride to admit it, and she knew that Simon was too much of a coward to do it himself. Baz was there to be the bait, to remind Simon that he was never going to love Wellbelove like he loved him. It had worked. Now it was just a game of wedding chicken.

Wellbelove was too proud to admit that Simon didn't love her as much as he loved Baz, but she was also too proud to marry someone who had feelings for another. Simon would feel guilty pulling the plug on a wedding that was already underway, but he would also feel guilty marrying someone who deserved more than he could give. Baz wanted Simon to make his own choice, but he also desperately wanted Simon to choose him.

Baz stepped into the church and took a seat in the back.

"Dearly beloved..."

One of them had to do it. Wellbelove looked at him, looking ready to run. He nodded at her.

"Wait!"

-  


Agatha's entire body was shaking. She was walking down the aisle, her father by her side, looking at Simon at the altar. She was supposed to know by now if this was what she wanted. Baz was supposed to make Simon want to back out so she didn't have to. They were supposed to run away together the night prior. Instead, Simon just looked like he was about to vomit all over the priest.

She arrived at the altar, took Simon's hands, and still didn't know if this was what she really wanted. Come to think of it, she had no idea who she even was. Beyond the island, her parents, and Simon, she didn't know what she wanted or what her purpose in life was. Maybe she was so drawn to Simon because he was security, because all he wanted was to stay on the island forever, and that was safe. She could marry him and never have to confront the big, bad world that lay past the ocean. But there was so much left for her to do, so many places she had yet to see, and marrying Simon felt like... _settling_.  


"Dearly beloved..."

Agatha glanced at the priest, at her parents, and finally at Baz. He nodded at her.

"Wait!"

The entire church was silent. Agatha's face was bright red.

"I, um..." She had done the hard part, but now she had to explain herself. "Simon..." Agatha looked into Simon's eyes. He was the only one who needed an explanation. "What are we doing? Neither of us wants this."

"Agatha, I... I wouldn't say... I don't think..." Simon was looking nervously at all of the wedding guests.

"_Simon_," Agatha grabbed the sides of his face and forced him to look at her. "Talk to me. Nobody else here matters."

Simon stared at her for a long time before speaking. "I don't want this."

"Thank _god_," Agatha felt like a weight had been lifted off her. "You're in love with Baz."

"I'm in love with Baz." Simon repeated.

"That's okay," Agatha smiled at him. "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you," Simon kissed her hand.

"Everyone," Agatha turned to face the guests. "I'm really, _really_ sorry. But after a little help," She looked at Baz, "and a lot of self discovery, Simon and I have decided that we can't get married."

There was a collective gasp from the crowd.

"Simon," Baz stood up and stepped into the aisle.

"Baz," Simon ran down the aisle, then kissed Baz.

Another collective gasp.

"Let's get out of here," Baz said, taking Simon's hand.

"Wait!"

One more gasp.

_i do, i do, i do_   


"Let's not let a good wedding go to waste."  


Micah stepped out into the aisle and got down on one knee. Stunned, Penny stumbled forward.  


"Penelope Bunce, I love you more than life itself. Will you marry me?"

Penny's jaw dropped. She looked to Agatha, who gave her a thumbs up.

"I... yes!" She ran forward and kissed Micah.

Agatha, Simon and Baz stood behind Penny and Micah as the priest read their vows.

"Do you, Micah, take Penelope to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, 'til death do you part?" 

"I do." 

"And do you, Penelope, take Micah to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, 'til death do you part?"

"I do." Penny was smiling bigger than Micah had ever seen.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Micah wrapped his arm around Penny's back and dipped her, kissing her hard on the lips.

_all is said and done_   


Somehow, through the mess of the wedding, Simon and Baz ended up at the head of the table at the reception.  


"Everyone," Baz announced, standing up with his glass in hand. "I'd like to make a toast." The table fell silent. "Even though we aren't the ones that got married-- congratulations, by the way," He tipped his glass toward Micah and Penny, "I'd just like to point out how amazing and beautiful this man beside me is," He turned toward Simon. "Simon Snow, you are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. When all is said and done, I hope to be back here, marrying you."

Simon stood. "I love you," He cried before kissing Baz, causing the guests around them to cheer. "But!" Simon pulled back, then grabbed his glass. "I'd also like to propose a toast. To Agatha Wellbelove," He lifted his glass, looking Agatha in the eyes. She smiled at him. "Perhaps the most understanding person I've ever had the fortune of knowing."

"Thank you," She said amongst the sound of glasses clinking.

_take a chance on me_

Towards the end of the night, Agatha ended up dancing alone. She was beginning to think that was the way she wanted it.

"Hey," A boy that she vaguely recognized from around the hotel slid up next to her.

"I'm sorry," Agatha took a step away from him. "Who are you?"

"Dev," He stuck out his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, babe."

Agatha stifled a laugh. "No thank you."

"C'mon, take a chance on me, babe!"

"Sorry, but I'm flying solo," She replied, then left in search of a drink.

-

Simon and Baz were dancing in the center of the courtyard as dozens of drunk guests jumped and stomped around them.

"I'm glad you came," Simon shouted above the music.

"I'm glad you gave me a second chance," Baz replied. The music picked up, causing everyone around them to dance just a little more intensely. "I love you, Simon Snow."

"I lo--"

He was cut off by a loud crack. The tiny crack in the center of the courtyard had broke off into multiple different directions, going all across the stone. Suddenly, water started spraying out of the cracks.

"It's Aphrodite's fountain!" Simon shouted excitedly.

Baz put his jacket over his head. "What?" 

"I don't know," Simon giggled. "Some bullshit Ebb told me when I was a kid."

Baz rolled his eyes. He dropped his jacket, taking Simon's face between his hands and kissing him.

_i have a dream_   


"Thank you, so much." Simon gave Penny one last hug. She and Micah agreed to look over the hotel while he and Baz were traveling the world. "I'm going to miss you."  


"I'll miss you, too," Penny replied, hugging Simon just a little harder. "Have lots of fun, but not too much."

Simon laughed, then released her. "I promise I'll come visit."

"You'd better," Penny instructed. "I'm going to need your help."

"Ready?" Baz called as he loaded their last bag onto the boat.

"Yeah," Simon replied. He stepped into the boat next to Baz.

"Where to?" Baz asked as he began rowing the boat away.

"Anywhere," Simon answered. "Everywhere."

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to shit on this hot dumpster fire in the comments


End file.
